Morphex's blogologue (Life, technology, music, politics, business, mental health and more)

This is the blog of Morten W. Petersen, aka. morphex in various places. I blog about my life, and what I find interesting and/or important. This is a personal blog without any editor or a lot of oversight so treat it as such. :)

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A day in the life of..

So, life has been progressing, in a positive direction. I've blogged about being ill and different troubles, but now it looks like things have stabilized and I'm planning more for the future.

I've been reflecting the last couple of days, and although I've learned a lot in life, I also feel short-changed on the positive experiences, having lived with a diagnosis for psychosis and an anxiety disorder since 2010, but having suffered for many years before that.

So I decided some time ago that I should work to put more things into my positive experiences bag, and that also means taking care of my body (eating well, exercising) as well as doing things that feel good.

For some years now I've been changing my diet, starting with eating more fruits and vegetables. It has taken a couple of years of change and experimenting, and now I'm at a place where I enjoy eating a bowl of cooked kidney beans and white rice, along with about half a fried garlic.

Now, since I became acutely ill in 2009, I tried to keep things together and worked a bit in my own company, Nidelven IT. But things slowly dwindeled down there, and in 2013 I reached the end of the line with regard to money, and had to go ~100% unemployed. I stretched out the money and earned a lot less than before I got sick, but it was the end of the line.

Now though, after being unemployed for a while and also being on sick leave from that, I'm on the minimum support plan from the state, which doesn't give me a lot of money to work with, and I have to find ways of saving money and being frugal. I'm not sure, but I think if I had gone 100% sick from the day I became ill, I would have been in a better position now economically, so I do feel short-changed by the state for trying to make the best of things.

Anyway, as I've been changing my eating habits and getting better from my illness, I feel that eating healthy is nice, and I feel it as well, that the mood is more stable and see that my body is shedding some weight.

I've been following Paul McCartney on Twitter, and he's an advocate for Meat Free Monday, which has a website with vegetarian food.

Now I'm not going to jump into it and go fully vegan, but I think that it is generally a good idea, because less animals will be bred and kept for food, which is good for animal welfare, and more food will be available as it takes a lot of feed to generate 1 KG of meat for example.

So I experimented a bit, and found that about 200 grams of cooked kidney beans and 150 grams of cooked white rice as well as some fried garlic, was a good combination. What I like about this meal in particular is that it leaves me full, but not sluggish. I feel good after eating a meal like that.

Here are some soaked, but uncooked kidney beans:

Soaked kidney beans

I cook them for about an hour, and the water is boiling, to make sure that a toxin that can make you unwell is destroyed by cooking at high temperature.

After boiling, I take off the lid and continue at a low temperature, until most of the water has vaporized. I bag these kidney beans about 200 grams in each bag and put them in the freezer, and I like the idea that as much nutrients as possible go along with it (and aren't washed out in the cooking water), and it's easier to fill the bags with a little bit of water each that way.

I'm not a nutritional expert, but from what I gather, the protein combination from the beans and the rice combine well, to make a complete essential protein source. Which is important, as I don't want the strength exercise to go to waste and need protein. And it makes it a real alternative to for example meat.

I've got a whole salmon thawing in the refrigerator as well, and I'll be posting some pics and the recipe for that later today, it's my own recipe and I think it works quite well. :)

[Edit: Later the same day..] The salmon has thawed enough that I could put it in the pan in pieces:

Salmon pieces in pan

I bought some salmon for about 5 $ per kilo a while ago, which is cheap, and it's been lying around in the freezer. I'm not that good at creating filets yet, so I'll just let them simmer long enough that I can pluck all the edible parts off. I put a dash of oil in the bottom of the pan, and I'm hoping there will be some run-off as well which I can put in the soup.

Now this is farmed salmon, salmon that has been raised in a small pen out in the sea. As far as animal ethics go, the fish does have some intelligence and feelings, so I'm not sure how much of a life it is swimming around in a small enclosure and being fed pellets. They can't tell us.

I like fishing, but I think that's fairly morally balanced as the fish I catch is going after my lure. If that lure had been a real fish, a big fish would've tried to eat a much smaller fish, but instead it ends up being my dinner. Which is ironic, but fair. I also expedite the fish I catch as soon as I can, with a quick stab and twist in the skull to put an end to the suffering. The way fish eat each other is fairly gruesome if you think about it, they swallow something alive and then it suffocates in their stomach.

[Edit: Even later in the day..] Alright. So I started making the soup itself, first I started off with a litre of almost skimmed milk and two litres of water:

Milk in pot in pan

And after that, I added a dash of olive oil as well as some corn starch (for thickness), and fish bouillon:

Fish bouillon cube in hand

Two whole garlic, chopped in pieces:

Garlic pieces on plate

I find it useful to keep all pieces fairly small, so that they take less time to cook.

Now this time I decided to go for some pre-cut vegetables, and over time I've grown fond of having frozen vegetables in the freezer. It doesn't spoil, and cooking time doesn't matter much, they thaw fairly quick:

Frozen vegetable mix bag

A nice mix of potatoes, carrot, celery and I think the last component was leek.

The salmon was cooked at low heat in some oil, and ended up in a tower on a plate, plucked once. Now I could see some fish bones left, so I'm going to pluck it another time when it goes into the caserole.

Salmon pieces plucked on a plate

The whole fish was 1099 grams, and I guess after plucking it, removing bones, most of the head etc. I was left with 900-950 grams of fish and skin, and that ended up being around half of what a similar weight in raw form would cost in the store.

My oh my. I almost forgot an ingredient that makes a big difference, green olives with red peppers!

Green olives with red peppers in salt brine glass

I think these make a big difference for the taste, also if they simmer in a warm soup for maybe an hour they become quite easy to chew. This is about 200 grams of that stuff.

So to sum up the ingredients:

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Health (Atom feed)] [19 Jul 06:52 Europe/Oslo]

All these people I have to deal with..

So I was in an accident towards the end of last year where I got a bad cut in the back of my head:

There have been some different trouble since then with pain and nowadays the neck feels a bit stiff and there can be some pain here and there.

I've had a dialogue with the insurance company Gjensidige since the accident, and they keep repeating that they have closed the case, and I've also asked them to pay for a 675 NOK (~100 EUR) exam to see if I need some treatment for the neck, but they refuse to pay for it.

Oh and the case worker there is Stein Rønning.

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Health (Atom feed)] [21 Jun 07:20 Europe/Oslo]

Dealing with the Norwegian wellfare state

So, since I've been sick for a while, I'm [edit: removed not] on a minimum economical support plan called AAP, or "work clearance money" from the Norwegian wellfare system, NAV. Which I guess is basically money you get while your health and work ability is being figured out.

I got a bit of a nasty surprise the other day though; there had been a mention of a meeting close to the summer, but after I asked about my case worker (Elisabeth Nossum) about getting AAP for the rest of the year because I need to update my tax rate, she replied that we could discuss that in "the meeting" in my doctors office on this coming Friday.

I hadn't gotten any notice of this meeting, and when I asked about when this meeting invitation had been sent, my case worker replied that there was some "technical issue" so that meeting invitation had not been sent out.

I followed up with an email to her superior, Per Olav Gundersen asking about this meeting invitation, but he was "too busy" to deal with it.

I really don't like this, because if the meeting had gone along, it could've looked like I was skipping it, and decisions could also have been made "over my head". Thus making me less credible towards my doctor, and the relationship to him is important for how my life is.

My doctor has also been asking me about anti-depressants, but what I need is to rest, eat healthy food and exercise. When I was psychotic I did agree to anti-psychotics because I was psychotic and had many unpleasant symptoms, but I really don't want to stuff more pills in my face and get a new dependency which I will have to gradually wean off, when I'm working well physically and mentally - I just need a period of rest before I start the next round of weaning off the anti-psychotics.

So, basically Elisabeth Nossum from NAV could've made me look bad in my doctors eyes, and she could also have gotten a reason to stop my AAP support, which would've forced me to do some paperwork and would've made my economical situation unpredictable. I really think this is unacceptable, and it doesn't look like NAV is going to explain their actions.

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Health (Atom feed)] [07 Jun 13:48 Europe/Oslo]

An update on seeing my kids, court costs etc.

So, the kids mom went to the authorities a while ago, to get her court expenses covered, as she won the case. I didn't appeal because I got something I hadn't had before, a legally binding agreement to see my kids on a regular basis.

Anyway, out of nowhere the kids mom went to the authorities to get her court expenses covered, and I opened a letter just now detailing the verdict in this claim. Since I've been psychotic, my business has been slowly winding down etc. - I haven't had the income that I used to have, and today I get a minimum rate economical support from the state.

Anyway, the kids mom had her court expenses, and now I have to pay 500 NOK per month, on a 80000 NOK debt with a 12% annual interest. I see that the highest interest rate for a savings account in Norway is 3%, so basically the kids mom is going to get a decent return on investment maybe the coming years, as I don't see myself working a lot for the time to come.

So from being an emotionally agonizing period where I didn't get to see my kids on a regular basis, I now get to see my kids, but I also have economical pressure on me and a depressing growing debt.

I think this whole thing has been very difficult, and it has sucked a lot of energy and time from me, in an already difficult situation. I found out something interesting though, a week before my last visit to the kids, I woke up with a foggy vision and saw rainbows around light sources, and from what I've googled on the net, it looks like it could be from an allergic reaction. Wind the clock back some months, and I also had a very nasty accident on the bus which split open the skin on the back of my head, a week before seeing my kids.

So I think that I haven't only been played by the kids mom, I think others may have contributed as well, and that in a period where I've been treated (going to therapy, taking medication) for psychosis and an anxiety disorder.

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Family (Atom feed)] [04 Jun 04:42 Europe/Oslo]

Call from the police

So a short while ago, I got a call from the police, because the kids mom had contacted them, as she found my blogging "uncomfortable" (my wording).

I told the police that what I'd blogged about the court case, seeing my kids, etc. was true and correct, and that almost all of what I blogged could be documented.

But, I'm going to take a pause from blogging about seeing my kids, the court case and so on, until I've talked to my lawyer about it, thought about it, talked some more to the police and seeing if anything comes from the kids mom and her lawyer.

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Family (Atom feed)] [10 May 14:50 Europe/Oslo]

More on seeing the kids

So, yesterday I got a unpleasant surprise when I opened a letter at my mom's place, as the kids mom had gone to the authorities, to force me to pay for her expenses on the court case we were in regarding the kids.

So I'll have to go through a process documenting my income, expenses and belongings so that her claim can be fulfilled.

My understanding from my lawyer was that expenses regarding the trial would go via him, and we've sought to cover both my expenses and the kids mom's expenses from the state.

As far as I know, the kids mom is well off financially, with an above average income and millions of kroner (NOK) in fortune.

Since the summer 2013 I've had significant expenses for seeing the kids, and the law is that these expenses should be divided between the parents, according to income. I don't have much income, as I've been sick for a long period of time.

Expenses for me seeing the kids was something the kids mom and her lawyer agreed to find a deal on, after the day in court, after the judge had left the room. I think that since the day in court, I have not heard or seen one constructive thing regarding expenses for me seeing the kids.

So I think this shows a couple of things. Either my lawyer has made a mistake, or the kids mom is stepping over a line. I wouldn't be surprised if the kids mom did step over a line, as she has been been threatening, harassing and assaulting in the past.

To make things more interesting, I thought my last visit with the kids went well, and asked the supervisor from the state if she saw any reason why the kids mom should be present in the house, on a text message after the visit. She has responded to my earlier SMS messages, but this time she did not give any reply and that's been almost 2 weeks now.

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Family (Atom feed)] [21 Apr 11:50 Europe/Oslo]

Struggling in the Norwegian welfare state

So it's been a while since I got severely ill, and since then I've struggled to make things and ends meet. I thought things were getting good and was looking forward to the spring and summer, but this Easter an old substitute tooth loosened and took with it some of the foundation, and it feels like the foundation is cracked as well.

The cracking has me a bit worried, as I don't know if it can cause sores or infections (I talked briefly with some professionals today).

Anyway, since I've been sick, medicated and everything for a while, I'm not getting a lot of money from the state to get by, and in addition to that, they want me to pay child support for my kids, even though I only get to see them 4 hours every 6 weeks, and are forcing me to pay money now.

I stopped by the state service today (NAV) to get some help sorting out financing fixing the tooth, and even though I had things written down, things still seemed difficult for the clerk helping me out, so I got tired of it and basically asked for a written response to my written request and documentation. I later sent an email with price quotes.

It feels like some sick joke, that I have to make by with little income and then struggle when I get a problem with my teeth that could lead to complications. In addition to that I'm working on getting off the medication (but have paused that for now because of all this) and I don't get to see my kids.

How much shit is a person supposed to take? I've paid my taxes.

[Later same day..] Now I went to check on my clothes in the dryer, and the dryer was off and the clothes were dry. I heard it starting up earlier..

It seems many small things are not going my way these last couple of weeks.

[Later same day..] Clothes were NOT dry.

[Even later same day..] I emptied the water container before starting it up, and it is almost brand new. I'm not sure if it is a failure, some clown having fun, some clown doing something he or she shouldn't be doing or somebody asking someone to do something.

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Health (Atom feed)] [31 Mar 18:22 Europe/Oslo]

More on seeing the kids

So, I got to see my kids this 27th of February, following the visit the kids every 6th week agreement laid down by the court.

After seeing the kids, the state supervisor said that the kids mom wanted some changes in the schedule, to accomodate holidays I presume. To be on the safe side, I've contacted my lawyer about it and I'm waiting for a response there.

But it is now about 2 months since I contacted the kids mom via email, as I want to see the kids more, and the oldest kid has expressed that he wants me to visit more often. This last time I visited the kids, they both said that they wanted me to visit in kindergarten / school as well.

So the kids mom doesn't want to communicate to me on email about seeing the kids, but she can communicate via others to get changes in the schedule for me seeing the kids.

That's interesting enough, but this morning I was thinking about the trial again, and the report from the court-appointed mental health specialists. The report was very favourable towards the kids mom, and even the people from kindergarten said that me being there visiting the kids was awkward and inappropriate.

I thought the visits to the kids kindergarten went OK, but I guess I might seem a bit lethargic due to the medications I was on. I thought one of the guys there who showed me around seemed very nervous and anxious, I don't know what the reason for that was.

But, interestingly enough, a (I guess close) friend of the kids mom works in the kindergarten, her name is Elisabeth Bjørnådal and the kindergarten is Mjølan barnehage. It might be that she has coloured the perception of me there, or that someone has pulled some strings to get the kindergarten to say what they did to the court appointed mental health people.

In the break-up period with the kids mom, I remember though that the kids mom said something along the lines of me just using her to have kids to this Elisabeth. On the other hand, for example my mom has said to me that she thought that I was just sad about the break-up etc. - same as the mom of the kids mom said to the court appointed mental health professionals.

So it seems that there may be different perceptions of me in this whole thing, and I'm not sure who's mostly responsible for that but there is an obvious person or group of persons that could have something to do with it.

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Family (Atom feed)] [16 Mar 05:09 Europe/Oslo]

More on seeing the kids

So I went to trial last summer, to get to see more of the kids.

One of the things the kids mom has been on about, is that I've been mentally ill (which is true), but so much that I couldn't be alone with the kids, or rather that she had to be there whenever I was to be with the kids.

The kids mom been playing that card for a long time, and the last time I saw the kids, she had to meddle about something that I could have sorted out with my oldest son myself, so in my opinion she's using the kids to keep some contact with me, what the motivation for that contact is, I don't know, but obvious reasons could be to establish a relationship, even though I don't want to have anything to do with her, in any way.

And I've made that perfectly clear, many times.

Anyway, when I went to trial, I remember the kids moms lawyer saying something along the lines of documentation about my mental health from my therapist hadn't been submitted to the court.

In my email records I can see that a document regarding my mental health had been sent to the kids mom and her lawyer towards the end of 2013, and that document is here:

It says clearly that nothing in their treatment of me has given them reason to contact other authorities, regarding me and my kids. And therapists are bound by law to give notice if they discover something of concern.

I sent an email to the current lawyer of the kids mom, Anne Fladvad working at Advokathuset Helgeland, and will see what she has to say about this.

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Family (Atom feed)] [12 Feb 05:07 Europe/Oslo]

Talking about my music on the internet ( forum)

So, I've been on different forums talking about my music, and I'm having some issues on the music forum.

Long story short, I think a lot of the feedback on the forum has been laced with unecessary negative remarks, and I've talked up against that.

So it seems that if other posters on the forum talk shit in threads I start, the threads get dropped. Which seems unfair.

There is also a very loose rule in the forum which says that the admins can do whatever they want, which is a bad rule as it gives too much power to the administrators and as such, is of course abused or misused.

Here's the discussion I had privately with one of the admins:

And yes he/she did OK that I posted this to my blog.

And the last thread I started which got deleted:

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Music (Atom feed)] [07 Feb 16:21 Europe/Oslo]

Failure to communicate and collaborate (seeing more of the kids)

So, I've blogged now and then about my issues seeing the kids, and the kids mom that isn't cooperating.

Two weeks ago today, I sent an email to the kids mom, as well as the family mediation unit where she lives about seeing the kids more often, but neither the kids mom or the unit has replied.

The email I sent the kids mom about seeing the kids more is here:

The email I sent to the family unit in Mo i Rana (commune) is here:

I think it's a bad thing that neither the mom nor the family unit are able to communicate when I want to setup something to see the kids more often.

Interestingly, I sent an email to the kids mom on the 19th of January, to which she replied on the 23rd of January:

Telling me a little bit about how the kids are doing. So she is reading email.

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Family (Atom feed)] [02 Feb 17:32 Europe/Oslo]

Getting to see my kids on a regular basis

So, I've gotten to see my kids a couple of times now, and that's nice.

It's good to have a steady and predictable schedule for seeing them, and the supervisor that's there from the state is a good person to have around, as I have issues being alone with the kids mom.

So I get to see my kids 4 hours every six weeks now, and although I enjoy being with the kids and being there for them, every time I get back home it is a bit sad to know that it'll be 6 weeks until I see them again. I don't know how they feel about it after I leave, but I know they want me to be there more often.

I decided a couple of weeks ago to go another round in the court to get full custody of the kids, as I have doubts about how the kids are doing and how they'll turn out when they're older. The previous trial was also a bit poorly prepared from our (me and my lawyer's) side, so I thought it all was a bit unfair and the wrong things were considered and put weight on. And I'm sceptical about the report from the court appointed mental health professionals which concluded that the kids mom had no narcissistic or sociopathic traits (too good to be true for a lot of, if not most, people).

The trial was in June 2015 and the verdict said the first appointment for seeing the kids was the 1. of August, but that fell through, as did the next appointment. I've blogged about that earlier:

It's not peaches going another round in court though, as certain things are stacked against me. For example the status quo principle that the situation for the kids should not be changed is important, so even though the sum of the other parts are in my favour, it might go the other way anyway.

I've thought a bit about this, and when the first kid was born I became psychotic, and was under treatment and heavily medicated when me and the kids mom split up in the start of 2013. So I had enough to deal with at that time, and was probably depressed and tired after the psychotic episode as well as the break-up, and wasn't able to muster going to trial. I also couldn't be alone with the kids mom, so seeing them became difficult.

So I guess it's a wait and see thing, to establish a good relationship with the kids again and then go another round in court.

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Family (Atom feed)] [19 Jan 11:09 Europe/Oslo]

Halfway there..

So, I reached a bit of a milestone. Because of mental illness I've had to take some heavy-duty medicine for some time, and at the most I took 800 mg of Seroquel per day.

Today I'm down on 400 mg per day, which is half of that, and I can say I'm quite happy about that. The medicine has short- and long-term side-effects, and on a very long term view, side-effects can also include diabetes and heart disease.

I'm glad that there has been treatment available for my issues, and I can say that today I'm feeling much better than I did 5-10-15-20 years ago.

Here's to many good years to come. 🍷 🍷

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Health (Atom feed)] [14 Sep 08:29 Europe/Oslo]

Dealing with the Norwegian state child-care system, Rana commune and a bad mom

So, I've been struggling to get more time with my kids, and went to trial in June to get something in place.

The judge ordered that I visit the kids every 6th week, with supervision from the commune/state.

Both I and the kids mom wanted supervision, my main motivation for supervision has been, and is, actions that the kids mom has chosen to do, and still chooses to do.

So, long story short, the state department called BUF was supposed to setup supervision for the visits, but so far they have failed to do so. Before the trial I also seldomly got to visit the kids, and then a person from Rana commune was there to supervise.

The trial ended up in a verdict, and the verdict was legally in effect on the 1st of August, but the BUF state department was unable to provide supervision, and is also unable to provide supervision now the 12th of September.

Over a couple of weeks now I've tried to get Rana commune to provide a person that can supervise on the 12th of September, but they are unable to do so. They called me this morning and only wanted to give a verbal message that they could not provide someone. When I pressed on for a written message saying the same, they refused to provide that.

So today I sent the kids mom an email asking if we could be in a public place on Saturday for a couple of hours, but she refused to cooperate on that as well. So the state isn't doing what it should, the commune isn't doing what it could, and the kids mom isn't cooperating. I'd like to add that I emailed the kids mom on the 20th of August regarding getting Rana commune to provide supervision on the 12th of September.

I think that pretty much sums up the situtation, but would like to add that sharing confidential and/or untrue information has many and severe consequences.

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Family (Atom feed)] [07 Sep 12:53 Europe/Oslo]

More on experiencing the Norwegian child-care system

So, I was in a meeting with my lawyer today, and got the explanation that after a verdict with a set number of time with my kids, the mom or rather the primary caretaker can deny anything else.

Which means that the mom of the kids can deny me visiting the kids in the kindergarten and at school, even though that has worked OK in the past.

I think I've blogged enough about this, but would like to add that one of the reasons the trial went as it did, was that the verdict put spoken testimony above an actual document as to whether or not I was cooperating regarding opening a bank account for the smallest kid. I also had to correct my own lawyer in the courtroom regarding this..

A link to a copy of that document is here:

And it clearly shows that I sent an email with a cooperative attitude after the last meditation, but never got any replies to that email and can't see that I've gotten any other emails after that email in that regard either.

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Family (Atom feed)] [18 Aug 21:40 Europe/Oslo]