Things feel good today. Lately I've been able to relax and just be myself. I guess I haven't been that way for a while.

Still taking "enough to knock a horse out"'s worth of Quetiapine, but the meds don't affect me as much as they used to.

I feel brimming with energy, and today culminated in a business idea where I have the concept, the name, the logo (and it's so snug). Just need the resources to get it developed and grown. Not sure it's a big-big revenue generator, but it's a cool thing.

Today is very different from where I was 1 year ago, 5 years ago, 7,8,10,15 years ago. It feels like an annoyance or disturbance has been lifted away.

I can feel, relax, laugh - all with a fuzzy feeling of chill. :)

Still some panic attacks creeping in now and then, but I'm able to control it. I think of them as things that must be combatted and just things that happen as I start functioning normally again.

Life is good. :)

2 weeks until a month in Spain. I'll try something I haven't done in 17 years.. relax and enjoy life for a whole month. No work, no stress.

I'm starting to settle in now, in my new apartment in Oslo. Found an OK gym and got to try another gym for free as well (a great gym which is a bit farther away).

It's been a lot of parties since I moved here, but it should get a bit more quiet - burning the candle at both ends only works for so long.

Just a couple of things left now for the apartment: a night table, a new wireless router (the D-Link I bought initially was useless), maybe a lamp or two and maybe some posters / pictures / paintings to have on the walls.

Maybe a lava lamp.. hmm. And maybe a little fishbowl with some fish too.

Arrived home about 45 minutes ago, after taking the plane from Trondheim. I'd rather take the train, but no tickets were available until the start of next week, and the prospect of sitting for 6-7 hours with Sciatica wasn't that interesting.

Oh well, time to get settled, and dig into the mounting pile of work..

Today we had taco-pizza for dinner, which Hilde prepared. With tortillas on top and lots of cheese. Tasty.

Along with some lite beer (not light, but lite, as in less calories) we've been relaxing all night on the sofa, not doing much at all.

As I grow older I've learned to enjoy some of the smaller things in life, not chasing after something all the time, but just being and relaxing.

I think the key is learning not to give a shit at times. Live and let live. Some issues have an expiry date anyway, a different place, a different time... :)

We've got a christmas tree up, nothing to brag about, but it brings the spirit of Christmas to our living room.

Well, after visiting Amsterdam this summer I must say I'm intrigued by the country. :)

So, I'm sniffing around and considering moving to Holland, found this site which had some useful info:

http://www.movetonetherlands.com/

Also lots of other good sites with info.

So, lately I've been reflecting on life and my path through it... I lost my way, and I need to be a better person, for my family and for society.

I'm thinking of living a humble life and follow the faith I was Christened to. This would entail giving up my stake in my company (maybe selling out my portion for a small sum so I can start from scratch).

I'll be a strict but caring father, and contribute to good where I can.

What I'll be working on in the future I'm not sure of, but I'd like guidance. I'm not built to handle a lot of stress, so it has to be a simple but interesting job that matches my skillset.

I'm thinking a simple factory job or something similar could be right for me (I've worked with that earlier). Just seeing results every day and doing my part.

So, life isn't easy these days, but I'm managing somehow.

They've got me on some meds which seems to be helping, but there are periods where it is storming inside, both in my head and today mostly in my torso.

Anyway, I'm jotting down some notes for myself for future art which I or someone else could do, images and "films" I've gotten in my head:

8 (8)

4, green hill, day and night, with and without nightvision

Radiant angst

Cliff, noose and safety net

The 3 flowers hanging their heads in the dark, violet/pinkish

[Later..]

Some more: stickman, cable/warp/"offshoot"