Morphex's blogologue (Life, technology, music, politics, business, mental health and more)

Life still improving, now getting it

So, been a while since I blogged the last time. I've blogged a lot about psychosis and the related issues, and the last 2 years or so have been a steady climb towards feeling well. Some ups-and-downs, but in the longer perspective it's been going up all the way.

I was at a high-school reunion on Saturday and had fun and there I talked a bit about being ill as well. At its worst, the psychosis was the worst thing I've ever experienced.. and as we talked about on Saturday, it is hard to know how a mental illness feels for a person as the different illnesses vary and there are subjective feelings involved as well.

I've thought about explaining psychosis, and the best and shortest explanation is that it is like a nightmare you can't wake up from. Maybe some "weird" symptoms such as hallucinations as well, but mostly just intense fear and loosing the ability to observe and interact with the world around you. For me it was a nightmare initially, then I think I went into some mode of coping with dashes of intense fear and other things.

You can imagine how a person comes into a coping mode, if you compare the fear involved (for me anyway) with the fear you would have if you are in danger of being seriously hurt or dying. And going around with such a fear constantly makes your mind and body work in a different way than it would for a normal, healthy person.

I guess it changes the mind as well, and that's where antipsychotic medicine is so valuable. Some brain/body chemistry or interaction is off. I wasn't paying attention a week or so ago and forgot to take my last pill before going to bed. And the next morning I got some of the psychosis-related symptoms back, not uncontrollably intense, but uncomfortable. As I've mentioned before, "coming down" from a psychosis can be uncomfortable as one can get PTSD and other related problems, and these may be attributed to the medicine, but taking the meds is vitally important. I've taken them since day 1 of getting them, and that's a part of the reason I'm doing as well as I'm doing now.

Anyway, now I feel good and feel smart, and act smart. :)

[Later same day..] Got a phone from the psychologist's office that she was on sick leave. So I may have to get a new psychologist, maybe for a longer period. Of course, I forgot to mention that the psychiatrists/psychologists have been very helpful as well and I notice a little stress about establishing a new connection. Talking about some things is hard, but it also gets easier every time I have to do it with a new person.

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Health (Atom feed)] [26 Oct 08:17 Europe/Oslo]