So...
Lately I've been struggling, the last 10 weeks perhaps have been building up and the last 2-3 weeks have been exceptional.To put it this way... I now understand the angst expressed in Munch's painting "Scream". At one point I woke up one morning in angst, went out compulsively to have a smoke and could feel pain/angst radiating out of my body, like in the painting...
Today however, I feel a calmness I haven't felt in a long time. I think I've been mentally/physically sick for a long time, and it might have started in my early teens or before that, but I've always tried to manage on my own (being too proud, too dumb, too paranoid, too ashamed..). But who knows about that.. It is hard to go back in time and do tests.. Spending most of my days and nights in front of the computer for 10+ years stressing with work hasn't exactly made it better but it has been a part of the struggle. Now that I've done some regular social interaction without a PC, relaxed and sorted through some of my messy head it feels better.
So, what am I to do? Figure this thing out with professional help.. Meanwhile, people around me are thankfully taking care of things. And it is great to have mom visiting.
[Permalink] [By morphex] [Art (Atom feed)] [04 Dec 18:17 Europe/Oslo]