Morphex's blogologue (Life, technology, music, politics, business, mental health and more)

This is the blog of Morten W. Petersen, aka. morphex in various places. I blog about my life, and what I find interesting and/or important. This is a personal blog without any editor or a lot of oversight so treat it as such. :)

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A Saturday with chicken wings and cider

So, I'm on my 3rd pint of cider now, just relaxing on a Saturday. These last couple of days I've come closer to my real self I think.

I'm in the TOP research project now (, helping science with psychosis-related issues and the carrot is that they'll give me me an evaluation of what the possible causes of my problems are.

I've been at two visits at TOP now where they ask questions and such, the last visit was OK, but afterwards I felt a bit annoyed as if they questioned my ability to answer honestly. It is kind of strange when your state of mind for the last 10-15 years has been in a flux of sorts and you're asked to accurately define your experiences. Although this depressed, sad feeling I have right now is something I *have* had for periods in that time. I think it has been at times combined with a feeling of being exhausted as if you've just sprinted for a while without warming up first.

Anyway, since I started having big problems towards the end of last year I've been to observation, gotten medicines etc. and talked to doctors, psychologists and so on.

I visited some website about Schizophrenia last week and had an epiphany for an hour or two that "That's me!" but then it went away again.

They say Bipolar and Schizophrenia are difficult to differantiate, so I guess the gene tests and brain scans on the TOP project will give some hard data.

The latest papers from the diagnosing doctor says "Unspecified Schizophrenia" which as I've read also happens to be the most regular variant.

I know I've done some dumb things in the past, and that's to a lesser or greater degree grade my own fault, but it'll be good to get an explanation of why. Not an excuse, but an explanation.

I guess most people do dumb things in the start of their lives, and then it is the opportunity (obligation?) to turn things around and help others in trouble as well as yourself.

[Permalink] [By morphex] [Health (Atom feed)] [20 Feb 14:51 Europe/Oslo]